Date 5: Nice Guys (and Idiots) Finish Last

Gamer Lad Girl

Everybody knows a lad-girl… she likes a joke and a bit of banter, she’ll drink a pint with you, and likes to do boy stuff like play Pro Evo / FIFA; you could have her in any lads-only social gathering and she would be perfectly at home. Well Clara was exactly like that and works in games development with her name on credits for games you will have heard of… the geek in me would suggest that that alone is worth a date! In addition, she was good looking, was a BBC, liked a beer, liked her banter, and seemed like a load of fun to boot.

I’d been in touch with Clara for quite a while, and we’ve texted, WhatsApped, and spoken on the phone enough. I haven’t written about all the people I’ve been in touch with but trust me when I say it’s definitely better to chat on the phone before meeting as it gives you a measure of the person, whether you actually want to invest the time in meeting, and their voice... which does matter! Amongst other things, we'd chatted about games, working in Chinese takeaways, and me still being at Chinese School (she was a show-off… had her A-levels in Canto). The banterous but flirtatious nature of her conversation and messaging was a real winner in my books; the laddish tone, content, time, and manner of it all added to the sense of fun immensely.

First Date with a Gamer

I met Clara for what should’ve been a normal date… Although it will tell you something about our geeky nature that we went for a warm-up drink and then straight to the arcades (naturally, I won). Just when I didn’t think things could get any better, I shit you not, we came across a Street Fighter IV tournament; so rows and rows of beat ‘em up kids all Hadouken-ing the sh*t out of each other. We actually spent more time watching that and discussing tactics. And trying to see if there was a way we could enter the tournament ourselves (unfortunately, no).

The rest of the date was pretty good too, with the usual food and a drinks at other places, more chat about geekstuff, gaming and whatnot. If I had to pick fault with her, I would say she was a little too cocky and arrogant, which was the one thing I didn’t find attractive. A girl should be independent and a bit feisty but this was a bit much and I had my doubts I could be in a relationship with Clara in the long run. Of course, I say this with my hypocrite’s hat on; I think one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever received was from a hot colleague a few years back: “You know what, Banana? You are so f*cking arrogant… I can see why a girl would find you attractive”. I loved it!

Second Date with a Drunkard

Great fun first date and we continued chatting and messaging, with Date 2 on the cards a few days later.

I got to the pub on-time and sat around with my drink of choice, waited around, had another drink, waited some more, had another drink. I know it doesn’t sound great, but I’d just like to assure you I’m not some kind of alcoholic, just that Clara was a bit late… And so a full 40 minutes later, a very giggly Clara arrived. Apparently she’d been with friends and had decided she would load up on drinks before coming over. I should probably add that at least a few times when we’d chatted on the phone, she had been drunk too… make of that what you will.

Now, I’m a bit conflicted about this one: on the one hand, the drunken side of her was the fun side I got on well with, and we clearly enjoyed each other’s company. But at the same time, it can be bloody annoying and bad form when people turn up for occasions late or drunk… particularly when it’s a one-on-one scenario! Nonetheless, I mentioned it once and tried not to mention it again… Here’s some questions for you: is it actually bad form to raise someone’s lateness with them when on a date? What is an acceptable margin in terms of lateness? What is the right approach to raise it and make your point without sounding like a nagger?

Since we’d both eaten already, we stayed at this pub and chatted for several hours. It was a relatively natural extension of the dating so far, finding out more about each other etc. This chat was quite open and revelatory as the combination of alcohol and face-to-face helped loosen the tongue somewhat. Clara’s cocky side came out a bit more, which gave me more concerns that personalities would really grate in the long run… I know from first-hand experience that sometimes the traits that girls have liked about me initially, have ended up being the traits they found annoying and hard to put up with later on.

Third Date… I am a Moron

All the same, I was still getting on well with Clara both online and offline, and so things continued to roll along. For Date 3 we decided to go see a stand-up comedy show.

Damn it, Clara turned up drunk and late AGAIN!!!

Screw it, she’s good fun anyway, rock ‘n roll.

Well, the stand-up show turned out to be excellent and Clara stayed happy drunk+ for the rest of the night as I attempted to catch up. Once again, when we got to chatting at dinner, we got along very well; the hours flew by and eventually the time came for us to leave.

As I was walking her to her bus stop, I happened to let on that I was a little worried about missing the last train home, so I might have to shoot off depending on how long her bus took. Completely unsolicited, Clara actually offered her place for me to crash for the night, which I thought was very nice of her. I wanted to be a gent and didn’t want to impose, and so I insisted I’d go home that night. I also had one eye on getting to Chinese School the next day, because you know, clearly I’m good Chinese boy who has his priorities right :P

Whilst we walked and chatted some more, Clara continued to offer her place and actually got quite insistent that I go to hers so that I didn’t have to worry about missing my train; I held my ground, determined to go the hard way and get home that night. In her final mention on the subject, she said: “Look, Banana, I’ve had a great time and I think it’d be really nice if you came and stopped at mine tonight, we can watch a film or something?”. Wow, that does sound awesome and it is incredibly tempting, but I really really don't wanna be a burden, thanks.

In an inexplicable fit of rudeness, I said something along the lines that if I missed my train, I might well need somewhere to crash… Well, I can’t remember the exact words but it obviously came out very badly, and was not received in the way I meant it at all… I can tell you that Clara’s face changed completely and she looked me in the eye and said: “Oh, ya know what? Just go f*ck yourself!”, before walking off leaving me glued to the spot in stunned silence…

There wasn’t much more to the night after that. After a few seconds, I collected myself and ran after her to figure out what the hell was going on. To be fair, Clara did apologise but it was game over for the night; she took the night bus home and I ran to Kings Cross to get my train home. We texted a bit that night, mainly just to make sure she got home ok.

The Next Day

It took me an entire night’s sleep to have my epiphanic moment, which shocked me awake… Yup, I finally read between the lines…

WHAT.THE.HELL … WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, DUDE?!?!?!

Now, you might be reading this and think I’ve exaggerated some details for the sake of storytelling, but no… alas, that is exactly how it panned out. I had completely missed out on spending the night with an attractive girl whose company I enjoyed, because I failed to read between the lines and some stupid nonsense in my head about not inconveniencing others… All those times people told me “ 唔好客氣 ”, I should’ve bloody listened!

I replayed the scenario in my head over and over… maybe she meant something else? Maybe I didn’t miss the point and she was just being nice? Maybe it was perfectly innocent?

Well… Thinking very hard about it… I realised that there was absolutely no way that it could’ve meant anything else. Yes, I am actually that stupid.

I got out of bed to get ready. For Chinese School (yay?). Except when I looked in the mirror, I no longer saw a rock-hard Chinese-Yorkshireman looking back at me… Just an enormous d*ckhead.

And there’s not much more to report right now, as Clara has since ignored any further attempts at communication by me... I keep reminding myself that it wouldn’t have gone anywhere anyway… which really isn’t much consolation at this moment in time.

Next!

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