The Story of the Yellow Yorkshireman

A Yellow What-shireman?

Firstly, I am what other Chinese people refer to as a BBC. That doesn't mean I have a glamourous job presenting stuff and speaking in RP, but actually, that I'm a British-born Chinese dude. And whilst I'd like to think this doesn't define me in the slightest, I fit ever so nicely into the BBC stereotype: my parents came from Hong Kong in the 70s, they owned takeaways and worked all hours, I had a much more fortunate upbringing than my parents and they made it their mission in life to give me all the advantages they didn't have...

... Aaannnd now I'm a proud Chinese man, whose Chinese is terrible, my professional career thus far is littered with engineering firms and IT firms, I think I'm good at Kung Fu and I'm a massive glasses-wearing geek. Oh and on an unrelated note, I'm also a proud Yorkshireman, born and bred; that's where the real centre of the universe, none of that Middle Kingdom stuff!

The Ensuing Cultural and Racial Confusion of Being a... BANANA?!?

Hands up if you were born to immigrant parents? You'll heartily identify with films like this, and you'll laugh out loud whenever you see somebody post this sort of thing on Facebook. So when not known as a BBC, other Chinese people scoffingly refer to me and my fellow BBCs are "Bananas", that we're "yellow on the outside, white on the inside"... the rest of you other ethnicities get to be coconuts, Bounty bars, Oreos, apples and whatnot. I don't know if there's one for Eastern Europeans, since they're also white and Eastern European immigration is a more recent thing... I'm open to ideas or enlightenment though.

Anyway, my point being that you do end up eating some very strange foods, often made from very strange body parts of an animal (chicken feet anyone?). And mainly think in English, with a smattering of whatever your parents' native tongue is ("Chinglish"?) . Although anytime you get really really really angry then you're definitely swearing in the language of the motherland... in my case, that's a very heavily Northern-accented "F*ckin' 'ell!" followed immediately by loud exclamations of "Puk guy!".

Dating as a Banana

So most British-born foreign kids will know this... your parents want you to find one of your own, 'cos you know, they'll speak the language, eat (and like) that strange food being served up and have more babies that will do exactly the same all over again. And they do have a point... ignoring the language and family approval issues, there's so much more shared understanding and ease of attraction. And it's a lot bloody easier not having to explain the intricacies of being Chinese to the person you date. Like how to hold chopsticks. Like trying to explain family terminology. Like who to pour tea for first when you go to yam cha!

But then, I grew up in England... I do like English girls too (???). They talk like me and have similar views to me and I can actually hold an intelligent conversation with them. And what's this? They even find the jokes I make to be occasionally funny? I can't help feeling that I might get on better with an English girl than Mrs. Ng's daughter who I am being "actively encouraged" to date because she has a Masters, speaks well and is polite ("斯文"?), has a job in finance/IT/engineering/medicine. And did I mention that she's 39 (I'm 30) and picks her nose?

On the down side of all this, I have a long-held theory that Chinese dudes in Britain are at a disadvantage when it comes to dating. In any place, there's always a racial hierarchy when it comes to preferences, and Chinese guys are languishing in the relegation zone in Britain. Research has been done before... ok so this one by OkCupid in America shows that "Asian" (oriental) men aren't always bottom of the heap over there, but in Britain we are the quiet minority keeping our heads down, getting on with being geeky, pursuing academic and professional success etc. And even Chinese girls prefer white guys (don't quote me on this, but I recall reading somewhere that Chinese girls have the highest rate of interracial marriage in Britain). Having said that, I don't see it as the biggest disadvantage out there on a personal level as I'm a reasonably nice and friendly chap (being 5'7 on the other hand...), and my Chinese friend Ricky angrily disagreed when I shared my theory with him. Each to their own...

Why am I Doing This?

The first reason I'm doing this, is as part of a cathartic process to get over a very bad break-up... you know the sort: real feelings, stubbornness, pride, mistakes... people getting hurt and all that malarkey. Don't worry, I won't sit here slagging my ex off as she's actually a great girl and we both carry our share of the blame.

The second and main reason, is that as a new singleton, I'm looking to once again attempt this "dating" stuff. I want to document my dating experience as a BBC kid in the hope of sharing them with anybody else in a similar situation. In fact anybody else who's dating might have similar experiences, since I've had my fair share of wappy dates, so I'm expecting a bit more of the same this time. And if anybody else happens to read this then I hope it at least provides some form of amusement!

Who Might She be?

If you've been paying attention to the above, then you'll know that I'm definitely open-minded; in an ideal world, I would want to date another BBC... you always start with a "someone like me" mentality. So the assumption being that I wouldn't then have the problem of either a Western or Eastern cultural and language gap to conquer before even considering the romance and compatibility stuff. In my own mind, my perfect girl is a sexy Scouse-Chinese lady, 'cos you know, they have the hottest accents, and that would suit me just fine... In reality however I'm realistic and pragmatic enough to know love can be found in all places. I would hope the right girl for me would understand and care enough to work towards bridging those gaps and I would do likewise.

A friend of mine, Adam, told me last year that you need to go on 57 first dates to find the one... that sounds like an awfully large number of women to date, and I should bloody hope that I don't need to go on 57 to meet the one.

The counting starts now though. So. Onwards and upwards!
  
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